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Let's just hand the whole budget over. All 107bn of it. Not just to councils, but completely random people. Walking your dog? Here, have a billion, run neurosurgery. Popping put for some milk? Great, here's a 100K, see if you can get a CT scanner or 3. Lost tourist with a map? Don't worry, here are some directions and a couple of million to run pathology. Child skipping? Have a few billion to run all our NHS estates. Hopefully someone will wake me up soon and tell me it's time for some more largactil.

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