Some may call it the finance committee. I call it a three hour filibuster on how to avoid being named and shamed by Spiky Mikey O’Brien, with perhaps 10 minutes on our plans to take 7 per cent out of the cost base.
Not that he’ll be there by the time we agree to anything anyway, although the chances of even that are slim enough.
Hats off to Bunty Fotherington for her two pronged plan of increasing our prices and replacing 10 per cent of the staff with volunteers
It kicks off with the usual 15 minute lecture from the chair of the audit committee on the exact technical definitions of fixed, semi-fixed and variable costs, followed by five minutes on the taxonomy of economy, efficiency and effordabilty - never a man to let pronunciation get in the way of the rhetorical flourish of an alliterative triplet.
To his credit, at least he managed to shut down the head of steam towards doing nothing until after a general election and made a decent fist of his gag about Slash and Burn not being the name of a Guns n Roses spin-off band.
Then comes the time honoured discussion on how big the problem is, with the earth shattering conclusion that it’s either big, very big, or very bloody big but we don’t really know which one.
So, we might as well use the assumptions set out by the director of finance. And I guess it wouldn’t be the same without a 10 minute blamestorm thrown in the general direction of the PCTs and the conclusion that our problems would all go away if only they’d do their jobs properly. By properly, we mean giving us more money, decommissioning services from them up the road and sorting out those GPs. Except for the ones that we like. Especially the ones married to our consultants.
But hats off to Bunty Fotherington for her two pronged plan of increasing our prices and replacing 10 per cent of the staff with volunteers but not telling anyone, especially the PCTs and unions. While it may lack plausibility or finesse, at least she’s in the right ball park. OK ball town. Well ball planet anyway.
And then… well blow me it’s 5 o’clock. Anyone for a sundowner? Or two? Or three?