‘They’ve come up with a whizzo plan to keep Londoners happy. They are going to build lots more hospitals. At the moment they are calling them polyclinics, but that’ll change’

To: Don Wise, chief executive

From: Paul Servant, assistant chief executive

Re: Streets paved with cold

Dear Don

I had the opportunity to visit London for a few days last week and wow is it a crazy, hip, happenin’ place or what? It’s a city where anything can happen and the world is your oyster.

The NHS down there is wild. You.just feel it’s a place where anything goes. Take the old tale of Dick Whittington, they named a hospital after him!

Everything’s movin’ and buzzin’ and that’s just the SHA. No grass grows under their feet and they rightly believe that the NHS deserves the best. Leading by example, they move from one set of exclusive offices to another every few months.

They employ lots and lots of really clever consultants.

They’ve also got this amazing work exchange programme. If you are a government minister, you can swap your job for one at the SHA and if you work at the SHA you can become a minister - how cool is that?

You can tell how seriously they take health in London, because as you stroll around the sights you bump into another hospital every five minutes. The locals are a bit odd about this though.

Your average Londoner thinks nothing of commuting two hours a day to and from work, driving across town to shop and spending£60 on a taxi home after a night out. But when it comes to health they expect a hospital on every street corner.

But they’ve come up with a whizzo plan to keep Londoners happy. They are going to build lots more hospitals. At the moment they are calling them polyclinics, but that’ll change.

The British go to the doctor, chemist or hospital. Germans go to clinics and the French go to pharmacies.

After all these polyclinics will have lots of doctors, nurses, therapists, consultants working in them. They’ll have diagnostic and therapeutic kit and operating theatres too. Last time I checked that pretty much sounds like a hospital.

They plan to build 150 of them - how about that for choice!