‘We need to start stockpiling resources for a long fight now. We have started buying up poster sites and newspaper advertising space to deny it to the opposition.’

Almost a University Hospital NHS Trust
Highly Confidential Memo

To: Don Wise, Chief Executive

From: Paul Servant, Assistant Chief Executive

Re: Viva la Revolucion

Dear Don

Ireland, India, Israel, Iraq? which model of independence to follow? We must learn the lessons of history for when Dave or Gordon grant us our independence. So what are the key characteristics to prepare for?

Partition: In many cases the British have partitioned their colonies along resource and tribal lines ? primary care, commissioners, hospitals, foundation trusts and the independent sector.

Civil War: Decades of bitter civil war are common. We need to start stockpiling resources for a long fight now. We have started buying up poster sites and newspaper advertising space to deny it to the opposition. We have some fairly nasty TB and MRSA patients lined up to refer to the local FT and we have barrages of FOI enquiries to fire at the PCTs about commissioning intentions that breach the 18-week target.

Secure Borders: We need to rapidly establish the integrity and viability of our territory. Secure borders and immigration control ? no A&E dross, just nice, easy, uncomplex, profitable day surgery.

Head of State: A harmless figurehead is required and perhaps we could achieve this by combining with allies into a confederation.

Cheap Labour: Our only asset. We can dump Agenda for Change and start thinking of profit lines.

Neocolonialism: We need to watch out for the mother country reasserting its influence through malign influences. Capio, UnitedHealth, McKinsey and PwC, as well as undercover turnaround agents, are already being infiltrated to destabalise independence and divide and rule.

So, Viva la Revolucion, Aux les Barricades, I?m seeking asylum in Poland!

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