Hoping to get a glimpse of the ultra-perky Japanese boy band HSJ, some were a tad disappointed to be presented with Health Service Journal’s weekly magazine.They still managed to crack a smile, at least

When ex-NHS commissioning director and current KPMG health chief Mark Britnell paid a visit to Japan recently he treated his government hosts to a glimpse of HSJ.

No doubt even he was surprised by the ecstatic reaction of the Japanese health ministry’s director general and director for elderly care (see picture, below). Perhaps he did not know that a popular Japanese boy band shares those initials, the ultra-perky Hey! Say! JUMP.

end game hsj japanese

The Japanese health ministers get their hands on the fabled magazine

Veteran End Game readers will need no introduction to the Japanese HSJ, but for those of you still wet behind the ears here’s a primer.

‘We pay tribute to the Japanese health ministers who hid their disappointment at just meeting our magazine’

Hey! Say! JUMP has nine members. The Hey! Say! part of their name refers to the fact that all the members were born in the current Heisei period in Japan’s history, while JUMP is an acronym for “Johnny’s Ultra Music Power”. So now you know.

We pay tribute to the Japanese health ministers who beautifully hid their disappointment at just meeting our magazine.

No mumbo-jumbo

Life science is the sparkling new shiny toy the government currently enjoys playing with, and Manchester is the hotbed of health policy budget experimentation.

End Game was excited, therefore, to spy a story in the Manchester Evening News heralding the opening of a new life sciences lab in the city.

‘While End Game was left scratching our heads, we are grateful to Ms Burns for putting it simply’

We were particularly keen to find out how this landmark occasion in the UK’s scientific progress had come about, but there was no answer from the brains behind the operation, Manchester Science Partnership’s chief executive Rowena Burns.

Instead, she said: “Simply put, we help bring great ideas to life and our investment in growing and improving our footprint across the city reflects the demand for the unique support structure MSP can offer to its community and our commitment to growing innovation led enterprise.”

While this left us scratching our heads, we are grateful to Ms Burns for putting it simply. Imagine the confusion if she drowned us in corporate mumbo-jumbo.

Three dimensional organising

Followers of End Game columnist Your Humble Servant on Twitter (and who isn’t?) might have wondered what he was on about on the morning of 11 June.

The management type is not normally concerned with Welsh affairs but early that morning he tweeted a link to a BBC news story headlined: “Man from Cardiff is first in UK to be prosecuted under forced marriage laws”. A serious issue no doubt, but not his usual subject matter.

A little later, he tweets: “In Richmond House and can hear bells pealing at Westminster Abbey. Sounds like a wedding.”

‘Monitor’s team of organogram specialists will be cracking their knuckles’

What’s he on about? Is this a Proust like recording of the details of life, minute by minute?

A short while later all was revealed, Monitor and the NHS Trust Development Authority were about to merge.

Sorry, not merge - that would require legislation. Monitor and the TDA are now to “work more closely together” under a single chief executive - a single leader answerable to both boards.

Monitor’s team of organogram specialists will be cracking their knuckles. Rumour is they will need to come up with a three dimensional organisational chart to show how the conflicting parts of the two organisations can function together under a single boss.

Cat in a hat

End Game has been tireless in its pursuit of the efficiency savings the NHS can make but hasn’t bothered to do so far (that’s right, yes?).

Our latest ingenious idea, which somehow missed the final cut of Lord Carter’s productivity review, calls for trusts to move more of their operations online.

cat in box

I can haz efficiency? Cat videos could save the NHS cash

Specifically, End Game has noticed that a number of hospitals arrange occasional visits from cute and fluffy animals to entertain and cheer up patients.

We can now propose a cheaper, evidence based alternative: videos of cats in boxes.

Rather than paying your local petting zoo to schlep over to your out of town hospital, why not send out a daily bulletin of hilarious cat videos to all patients and staff?

This idea even has academic weight behind it. A study from the Indiana University Media School earlier this month claimed watching cat videos increases energy levels and positive feelings.

Here are a few classic titles to get started with: Cat in a Box, Cat Jumps into Box (our favourite), Cat Jumps Out of Box and Cat Stuck in a Box.

Our analysis suggests this could save the NHS about £5bn a year.