“He is obviously in a highly advanced state of delirium”

To: Don Wise

From: Paul Servant

Re: Better Jeremy Day

Welcome to Better Care Day - our new annual telethon to raise money for poor, impoverished local authorities.

It’s been a really exciting day and our camera crews have been all over the country recording your fundraising activities and pledges. But first, we must remember this is not all about the fun we’ve had today. We have a short film about what this really means… you may find some of the scenes with Eric upsetting.

Eric has lost a lot of money, he had to cut rubbish collections, leave pot holes unfilled and turf old people out of their homes.

As you can see although he appears happy about this, he is obviously in a highly advanced state of delirium. Now watch what happens when he meets Jeremy. Jeremy has lots of money and he wants to give it away. Look at how Eric’s face comes alive when he has Jeremy’s cheque in his hands. If you want to make Eric smile just call NHS111 to make a pledge.

Now over to Newcastle where they’ve raised staggering amounts by closing three orthopaedic wards, selling an MRI scanner and agreeing not to replace their ambulances for 25 years.

Fantastic stuff. Down to Salisbury now, where Dr Dan is being sponsored to put a shirt on for the day. And then to Cambridge where the nurses have been amazing. They are going without a pay rise this year.

Back in central London, Monitor and the TDA have offered their services for free to count all the pledges which are rolling in from across the country and making sure all that cash really is flowing out of the NHS.

Ooh. We just heard of a fantastic pledge from NHS England on behalf of all community and mental health trusts. They pledged the costs of implementing the Francis report, and will also fully fund senior management secondments to help improve relations outside the NHS. Brilliant.