Your Humble Servant: NHS carols

To: Don Wise, chief executive

From: Paul Servant, assistant chief executive

Re: Christmas carols

Dear Don

Everyone is in the festive spirit and looking forward to your end-of-year speech from the balcony. There is much excitement about your inspired idea for a carol competition to create a new Christmas anthem for the trust. We have had to discard a few on grounds of inappropriateness, but you might want to e-mail them to friends.

To the tune of Rudloph the Red-nosed Reindeer:

Nigel the red-cheeked mandarin

Had some very shiny prose

But when Patricia saw it

She took quite a different pose

All of the PCTs squealed

And called Nigel lots of names

They moaned to their MPs

And the SHAs got all the blame

Then one gloomy conference day

Patricia came to say

PCTs we are sorry

But we’ll get you another way

Then all the SHAs glowered

At the cowering PCTs

And said ‘balance your books’

Or you’ll go down in misery

To the tune of Frosty the Snowman:

Crusty the old man

Didn’t feel very well today

But could he find a GP?

No because it was Sunday

Crusty the old man

Hobbled off to A&E

He was seen very quickly

But admitted to Care of the Elderly

The consultant said: What’s he doing in a bed?

Not breaching four hours said the nurse

But There is nothing wrong with him now

If he stays he’ll go home in a hearse

But the bed manager said

Discharge now is not the way

Anything less than 24 hours

And the PCTs do not like to pay.