2012 is the year of the contract. Go back to your offices and prepare for contracting.

  • To: Don Wise
  • From: Paul Servant
  • Re: Go back to your offices and prepare for contracting

Dear Don,

I have triple checked with the lawyers, and although we all agree it is outrageous that you were considered too irrelevant to have your phone hacked, they advise that this is not actionable for slander.

It is time to turn attention to your new year message for your Wise Words column in the staff magazine. Happily we can start off with what we wrote last year… “2011 will be a momentous year for the NHS as the Health Bill becomes law” …oops!

I have mildly adapted the next bit to replace “the changes are so big you can see them from space” to “the spaces are so big you won’t see much change”. 

The rallying cry:

“2012 is the year of the contract. Go back to your offices and prepare for contracting.

“If you are a PCT your contract is over.

“If you are a GP in a clinical commissioning group you’ll be signing more contracts than prescriptions.

“If you are a clinical commissioning group you will be signing a contract with your renamed PCT.

“If you are a hospital trust your income will contract.

“And if you work for the Care Quality Commission your contract will be turning into a compromise agreement.

“If you are a lawyer you’ll be purchasing a new warehouse to store all your contracts in.

“If you are running the National Commissioning Board you can write your own contract.

“And if you are Andrew Lansley you might check out the notice period on your contract.

“The NHS Constitution is the patient’s contract, which no court of law would uphold.

“And if it’s not in the small print don’t worry because it will be made up and appear halfway through the contract year.

“As Nelson Mandela said: ‘Only free men can negotiate; prisoners cannot enter into contracts.’”