I have told readers before that I cannot ride a bike. This is a piece of information that never fails to attract shrieks of disbelief from friends, colleagues and acquaintances far more at home on two wheels than I am. I should add that I can't drive either. I do not, in fact, 'do' wheels unless they belong to a bus, car or taxi that someone else is driving.
But I digress. I have for some time been pondering whether I should rectify this state of affairs and take to the road - although on bicycle only, there's no need to overdo it.
But who to teach me? Mr D is out of the running as last time we tried he was more embarrassed than I was, although the small group of kids who followed my wobbly progress round the park got a good laugh out of it.
There is a company that specialises in teaching first-timers and those who are a bit rusty. Its lessons would normally be a bit pricey for someone on the verge of putting a foot on the property ladder. But my local council handily subsidises them to the point where a 90-minute tutorial costs just a fiver.
The firm says that although they cannot promise anything, in the past they have had students riding after just one lesson.
But where to have them? The lady I spoke to said lessons can be arranged in a discreet but public place. She suggested a park or basketball court. I happen to live opposite a bit of what estate agents call 'parkland' and I call a grassy space surrounded by busy roads.
It also happens to contain a basketball court, but as this is usually occupied by enormous young men proving that white men definitely can't jump, I don't think they would welcome me skidding around and interrupting their game.
It is largely unused on Sunday mornings as the users are then, I presume, sleeping off the excesses of the night before, but then I would risk subjecting myself to the ridicule of the children's playground.
But is this too good an opportunity to pass up? What do you think, readers - should I take up the challenge? E-mail 'wheel' or 'no wheel' to firstname.lastname@example.org and help me make up my mind.