For this column, I am going to cheat by giving you something I have been working on for a while - my Christmas wish list.

Dear Santa

For Christmas I would like:

1 A subscription to a web guide to all the best and latest phraseology in management consultancy - or, more accurately, to that used by consultants McKinsey.

This is because I desperately need to understand what it means to "deep-dive" in the West Midlands.

Also, by the time we start to use phrases like this on the coalface - it seems new and fresh at the time but hey, also a little retro - they are already very last year.

How can we stay on top without an up-to-date guide?

2 I would, however, like to see the death early in the new year of the phrase "on the same page".

Hands up anyone who has not said it this year.

The meaning at least is easy to grasp and, as a fan of partnership, I do generally like to be on the same page, but there are one or two no-go areas for a trade unionist.

For example, there is being on the same page as the government over annual pay awards.

When a Department of Health official said this of our evidence to the Senior Salaries Review Body, I had to be stopped from throwing myself into the Thames.

Luckily a quick-thinking colleague pointed out the official probably meant one of those ancient Chinese scrolls that roll out for miles. So we could be far apart while technically still on the same page.

Phew. Such is the calibre of person we employ at Managers in Partnership.

3 A personal trainer, like those you see captains of industry puffing after on the green outside the Shell building near our office.

Of course, such activity is ludicrously strenuous.

My use of a personal trainer will be mostly an excuse for a chat over coffee and pastries at the Royal Festival Hall.

But surely it would be cheaper than membership of the gym I visit twice a year.

4 Some new power pics for the office as I need to refresh the ones I Photoshopped last year.

Half a dozen should do the trick: me dining with Vince Cable, me sharing a bag of chips with Andrew Lansley, that sort of thing.

5 This next one might be illegal. Nick Timmins, from the Financial Times, to be held in a cupboard under the stairs for six months in order to churn out non-stop analysis of whassup.

I know he looks as though he only eats paper and information but please could he come with food supplied.

6 I am a bit bored with traditional leadership development.How about an equine guided leadership course?

This would be one where you work with horses and their unique qualities to help you learn about yourself as a leader.

Used a lot internationally, I understand. It might be quite pricy, however, so I would settle for something with rabbits.

7 An iPhone - bills on the firm, of course.

Even though I would never use it, everyone else at meetings will notice I have got one.

8 A computer model for designing polyclinics but with special features such as a virtual British Medical Association campaign to demand polyclinics locally.

Can I have two? health minister Ben Bradshaw wants one.

9 Fact finding and study tours of how they do things abroad. (By the way, Santa, please first check Foreign and Commonwealth Office advice to travellers.)

10 A DVD compilation of 1970s and 1980s television adverts to bring my childhood back to me.

That must include the Oil of Ulay advert with the dry, crumbling leaf that becomes all supple and firm after application of cream.

11 A phone call from health minister Lord Darzi urging me to join a task force to make general management an NHS constitution early implementer.

He tells me he is fed up with poorly designed jobs and careers, overwork and lack of resources leading to high rates of burnout among this undervalued group of heroic health workers.

Among other things, Lord Darzi wants general managers to have well designed and rewarding jobs, personal development, access to appropriate training and line management support to succeed.

In response I will play hard to get first, tell him I shall think about it, then bite his skilful hand off.

12 A new byline photo for my HSJ column. I want rid of the mega-creased linen trousers and the smirk.

13 Any item of clothing from Reiss (casual) or Ermenegildo Zegna (work).

14 One of those little Zen gardens with rake you can get for your desk. The two rock version.

15 A government minister from any democratically elected government for the next Managers in Partnership conference.

16 With me and mine very much in mind, an official report around March confirming that maternity services in West Hertfordshire are the best in the world.

17 Not actually on my original list but something for a chief executive pal who seemed so excited at the thought that I haven't the heart not to ask: a copy of the Which? Guide to Framework for External Support forCommissioners providers with tips on the best buy for each type of contract.

18 Finally please make my dream come true of being as clear in my message as The Sun newspaper.

I want people to understand me and decide whether I know what I am doing.

I sense it might give them confidence in me.

Love, Jon.

Have a good and restful break, everyone and best wishes for the New Year.