So the NHS is moving into reality TV looky-likeys, with PCTs aping Dragons' Den and The Apprentice in their desperate search for talent and a good idea.

But where's the vision? Where's the aspiration? Where's the world class? Let's raise our sights, boys and girls, and go for the big one, the granddaddy of them all, the mighty Big Brother.

And in the Innate Prejudice BB house we have...

  • Lap Dog Lansley, Tankie Johnson and This Week's Liberal, just to get the party going

  • Mike Rawlins as the slightly mad-looking older one to do the washing up

  • A midwife to stand around not doing anything until people recognise how much she could do if only people would just appreciate her skills, pay her more money and ensure that at least 60% of her time was protected for teaching, training, mentoring, supervision, coaching and sick leave

  • A health visitor to listen to what's going on, write a few shopping lists and slip off to bed at 5.00pm sharp

  • A good-looking physio in those lovely navy slacks to up the male viewing figures

  • A psychotherapist to ensure that the circle our residents sit around in is perfectly formed

So that got things moving with the first residents through the door. Another six and we've got a full house. Nominations please to the usual address.

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