‘There is £80bn out there to be carved up between ourselves and the GPs. Well, surely that makes everyone a winner now?’

To: Don Wise

From: Paul Servant, assistant chief executive

RE: Loadsamoney

The direction of travel is becoming clearer, we are going back to the era of competition and profit. Even though Andrew Lansley’s plans to hand over the NHS budget to GPs have caused Treasury trousers to fill with brown stuff, we can see where this is heading.

I know everybody is getting excited about GP commissioning, but why should we care? Acute care will still be incompetently commissioned, does it really matter whether it’s because of the GPs instead of the primary care trusts?

We should be entirely supportive of dismantling the regulatory and commissioning infrastructure secure knowledge in the that while strategic health authorities and PCTs are wound down, and their staff focused on securing a new job, and GPs try to work out what they’re doing, they will all be leaving us alone.

But we mustn’t lose sight of the real objective here. Money. Loadsamoney. Lovely, jubbly money. The Condems aren’t

cutting our money, just tinkering with the intermediaries who give it to us. Well, let’s cut out the middlemen.

We are more or less monopoly suppliers of what we do. La la Lansley has delayed plans to reconfigure us and abolished the people who monitor us. There is £80bn out there to be carved up between ourselves and the GPs. Well, surely that makes everyone a winner now?

We must seize the opportunity to get in there and do a deal with the GPs. The NHS is all payment by behaviour. Let’s make it really work for us. Why should GPs work with former PCTs to establish their consortia when they know PCT management and administration has not delivered? We should offer them a profit sharing deal to provide management and administrative infrastructure for their consortia ourselves.

They get huge fees, we scoop the income and McDonald’s runs