So this is what it feels like. I’m managing along, minding my own business, when along comes Andrew D Lansley (Dudya to his mates), who liberates me.

Dudya, the great liberator who promised (promised) to do no such thing once he had his hands on the Department of Health’s weapons of mass destruction, has in fact unleashed them.

Primary care trusts? Send in the marines.

Strategic health authorities? Clusterbomb them.

GPs (who know a thing or two about insurgency)? Hug them close.

Managers? Off to be re-educated.

Local involvement networks and overview and scrutiny committees? Disbanded.

And just in case we don’t realise how lucky we are, elite forces from the DH will occupy the NHS to make sure it learns to be grateful during the transition. Dudya has promised to withdraw once the NHS is ready to manage itself.

Oh, for the days of simple Stalinism, when you knew where you stood, cowering. So how didn’t we see this coming? Were there signs we should have noted?

Well the two biggies in Dudya’s biography before he became an MP appear to offer clues. He was Norman Tebbit’s right hand man for three years! And I quote, from his website, “his proudest career achievement” was running the 1992 Conservative general election campaign. The one that brought us rail privatisation, cash for questions and a cones hotline.

So we should have seen it coming, the clues were there all along; and, to be honest, most of us will happily live in a world without PCTs and SHAs.

In fact he’d have probably got more votes if he’d promised to abolish them rather than save them. Oh well, I’m off for an opportunistic glass of milk.