‘It’s been a few months now, and we’ve had no new strategy, plan or output. I can only assume you’ve been stocking up on additional inadequates so that you can get rid of them easily as cost savings to show off to the new ministers’

To: Don Wise

From: Paul Servant, assistant chief executive

RE: Handy Andy

That director that you bizarrely appointed as a favour to the SHA is becoming a real pain. Knows nothing about acute hospitals - “That allows me to bring a new perspective to how you do things” - and sticks his nose into everything uninvited, with the catchphrase: “I couldn’t help but overhear.” 

It’s been a few months now, and we’ve had no new strategy, plan or output. I can only assume you’ve been stocking up on additional inadequates so that you can get rid of them easily as cost savings to show off to the new ministers.

And isn’t Andrew Lansley doing well?  While the coalition is ferociously slashing and burning its way around Whitehall, helping the unemployed by creating more of them so they don’t suffer loneliness, Andrew is making a real difference:

  • No top-down diktats, unless you are a Department of Health agency looking to spend over £1,000, in which case you need ministerial approval.
  • Patients come first, unless they want to be seen rapidly in A&E, where they will now have ample time to consider the power Andrew has given them now he is abolishing the four-hour maximum wait.
  • More accountability, by putting all the spending decisions in the hands of private businessmen.
  • Less bureaucracy, by creating a new bureaucracy called a board, working with GPs in bureaucratic consortiums…