‘The crying was spot on. As you talked with humility about the demise of Mrs Smith, the tears that began rolling down your cheeks captured the emotion and sincerity of our apology perfectly’

To: Don Wise

From: Paul Servant, assistant chief executive

RE: Lights, camera, casualty

Your first television interview was a triumph that left us wondering why you have never ventured on to our screens before.

However, as with all new initiatives it is important to review and identify opportunities for enhancing performance for the future.

I think we can all agree on some basics. Next time, I don’t think you should trouble yourself with applying your own make-up.

I know the media trainer you spent the whole of last week with encouraged you to dominate the proceedings but, with hindsight, there was not a huge value in letting the make-up girl know that you were in charge. From her look of amazement though, we can take it that she was impressed with your application of foundation.

The crying was spot on. As you talked with humility about the demise of Mrs Smith, the tears that began rolling down your cheeks captured the emotion and sincerity of our apology perfectly. However, I think we should bear in mind for next time that the camera panned wide and caught you sticking the pin into your palm, and the bleeding from your hand could have become a serious clinical incident if the interview had gone on for much more than 90 seconds.

I don’t think the interviewer fancied you. It is important to understand that she was wearing a short skirt and plunging neckline for the benefit of the viewers and not because she had heard in advance that she was grilling you that day. As such I think it would be best to make and maintain eye contact next time when speaking - rather than talking to her chest.

Lastly, the personal dedications to your mum, your secretary, the primary care trust and strategic health authority chief executives were not necessary. A triumph nevertheless, demonstrated by the fact that it is currently one of the highest rated clips on YouTube.