If ever there was an example of pointless Department of Health micromanagement it is the launch of the consultation paper on car parking.

The proposals are nonsense. They suggest scrapping charges for inpatients staying longer than one night, and outpatients attending more than three appointments.

Could it be used to tackle health inequalities, giving free places to fat working class smokers so they don’t have to wheeze all the way from the bus stop?

Will hospitals now have to invest in car park management software, linked to patient records and a number plate recognition system, to decide who can get past a barrier without paying?

If you pay up for one night but unexpectedly have to stay for two will you get a refund?

Is it calculated separately for each episode of care, so if you have three appointments then return a week later with a new ailment you must still pay? Will parking attendants have to adjudicate on cases of comorbidity?

Since the system the government is pushing is already ludicrously complicated why not go the whole distance? How about a leg weighting, so lower limb disorders get a free place after two outpatient visits, but everyone else has to wait until the fifth? Could it be used to tackle health inequalities, giving free places to fat working class smokers so they don’t have to wheeze all the way from the bus stop? How about free parking for life if you are the victim of a serious clinical error? Car parking tsar anyone?

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Put the brakes on NHS car park consultation