GADFLY

Rosie Broomstick put down the phone on the operations manager of Kleenitkwik Ltd, looking very pleased with herself. She shuffled some papers, then set out for the meeting of the site and hospital nonclinical support sharing circle (cleaning).

The meeting was a tawdry gallop through various complaints by lethargic ward sisters. Rosie scribbled down every instance of unwiped spills, wrongly coloured mops and dusty bedside lockers. She wouldn't do anything, of course, but she wrote them down for form's sake. Then she launched into a grandiose speech about filling in the monitoring forms, and which boxes were to be ticked by the assembled nurses. They looked even more bored. Sterling, the finance director, attended these meetings to make sure Rosie didn't agree to any cost-increasing change in the cleaning specifications, and when the nursing battalions filed out, he hung on.

He vouchsafed to Rosie that Tarantino was out for blood - hers. The Terminator was a danger to everybody, even Greycoat if he had a mind. Sterling was clearly not about to let him have his way on the crest of the merger victory. Rosie finished off the Rich Teas, but didn't seem unduly bothered.

I buzzed off to see if Greycoat had opened his lunchtime packet of M&S ham with pineapple salsa and vinaigrette mayo on rye. I was astonished to find him ensconced with Smoothie from region, and that they had a decent spread from the deli across the road. Smoothie was waxing lyrical about the community health council. I'd never heard of it, and even Greycoat looked unsure. Smoothie was busy slandering the chairperson thingy, some busybody called Carla Citrus.

She had got wind of the merger and was raising Cain with the minister, but Smoothie said not to worry. As soon as Parliament had gone into recess and a suitable news day arrived (outbreak of war, death in the royal family), the minister would announce a wonderful initiative - ie the merger - which would meet all health improvement targets. If this wasn't enough to shut up Citrus, the department would announce a far-reaching service review for the two hospitals before any permanent decisions were made on rationalisation. Greycoat said that was alright then, they could carry on as planned. But the Grey One thought 'rationalisation' had nearly had its day and they'd soon need another word. They eventually fixed on 'enhancement'.