Monitor is a great fan of Tory health spokesman Dr Liam Fox.

But, alas, he appears to have fewer fans in his own party.

Some might think the idea of a Campaign for Conservative Democracy is something of an oxymoron, but there really is one - and it has been polling visitors to its website to find out who grassroots Tories rate. Polling ended recently for the 'best performing member of the shadow cabinet', with punters loyally giving 52 per cent of the vote to William Hague. And young Dr Fox? He was nowhere, not even on the ballot paper. Monitor wishes him well in this month's ballot for worst performing member of the shadow cabinet.

To save readers the embarrassment suffered by Monitor in finding the campaign site, Monitor can reveal that it is at www.btinternet.com/johnstrafford/.

Embarrassment? Well, what else can you call it when a simple Internet search for 'Conservative Democracy' throws up a news story about staff at Eastbourne District General Hospital calling in the fire brigade to release a couple of teenagers from their titanium nipple rings.

Just as baffling was young Dr Fox's claim at the National Association of Primary Care conference that the prime minister was more scared of him as a GP than as a politician. It's probably just that he can't get an appointment.

Staying on the political right, Monitor was amused by Daily Mail columnist Edward Heathcoat Amory's rant about 'New Labour's insidious love affair with the gay lobby'. Apparently 'health authorities, which are not covered by Clause 28 [the notorious legislation preventing councils from 'promoting homosexuality'] have become the vehicle for today's gay rights groups'. It seems that Camden and Islington community trust has been right at the cutting edge of things, publishing a booklet back in 1986 that offended Mr Heathcoat Amory with its assertion that 'homosexuality and heterosexuality - both are equally valid'. That's a whole two years before Clause 28 went on the statute books, and five years before the first NHS trust. Such prescience.