Is the gloss starting to rub off New Labour's shiny health team? Or is the manager who penned Monitor a clever parody of one of Alan Milburn's encouraging little speeches alone in feeling a tad disillusioned? In the week Al had chief execs in for a chat about getting waiting lists down, the satirist wrote a speech for chief executives giving ministers a pep talk. 'While the newspapers may believe there is more money, ' it says, 'we know the money is repackaged and redistributed.' And 'while we don't want to name and shame anyone. . . we told you not to promise reduced waiting lists. . . and now there is a daily search for someone to blame. We hoped better times might come with your election (enough of us voted for you ), ' it continues. 'And we still hope they might.

You are only going to hang on as long as we have confidence in you and that is starting to ebb. . .

Go forth and prepare for government, real government. Read our lips - or some other cliches.'

It is a nasty, vicious rumour that hacks can't wait to kick a man when he is down. And to prove it, Monitor is not going to reveal the name of the 'career civil servant' torn off a strip by Dobbo for suggesting that 'surgeons will be called in off the golf course to carry out more operations'. This was an 'offensive' remark that should 'not have been made', the health secretary told The Daily Telegraph - but Monitor has a sneaking sympathy for the luckless 'official' involved. After all, Dobbo himself has been saying that extra operating sessions could be scheduled for evenings and weekends to cut waiting lists. And where might you look for a surgeon out of hours - if you missed him at one of his private practice sessions, that is?

Monitor was overcome with excitement after receiving word that Dobbo had been among the inspirations behind a nude model. The sculpture of a large but no doubt perfectly formed man, wearing nothing but a sock, is to be unveiled in Loughborough on Easter Saturday. It celebrates the Midlands town's long association with the hosiery and sock industry. And the health secretary was a formative influence. Incredible.

Amazing. No expense was to be spared in bringing the photos of the mighty form to these pages. But alas, on further investigation Monitor discovered it had been misled. Peter Wheeler, vice-principal of Loughborough College of Art and Design, explained that yes, Shona Kinloch's generic male had indeed been influenced by Frank Dobson. . . but Frank Dobson, the early 20th-century sculptor.

Shame.

Finally, news that Jennifer Dixon of the King's Fund is being seconded to the NHS Executive for two years to become Alan Langlands' policy adviser came as a bit of a surprise. Could there really be no truth in persistent gossip, stretching back to last summer, that the NHS boss is keen to quit Whitehall to head a trust near his Yorkshire home? Or has Big Al just changed his mind?