Monitor's aura is positively shimmering with dismay at having missed last week's conference in Lancaster on 'faith in healing and healthcare provision', with its sessions on shamanism, circle and cross dances and 'angelic influences', whatever they might be. University College of St Martin, which organised the event, is clearly displaying the adherence to scientific rigour which has made the British education system what it is today. Monitor is particularly taken with the idea of Hawaiian healing. Is that the one with the extra ham and pineapple?

Closer to home, the Royal Hospitals trust has ceased to exist. Which is not surprising as nobody knew where it was anyway. So, from now on, for 'working and trading' purposes, says a spokesman, it will be know as Bart's and the Royal London Hospital. It is not known if trust managers had to get dispensation from the Pope to take the Saint out of Bartholomew. But apparently a close second choice name, the Royal London and Shut Bart's, was vetoed following a phone conversation with Frank Dobson.

The people of Somerset, meanwhile, will be celebrating in the streets now that public health minister Tessa Jowell has lifted her ban on the local 'Caerphilly-type cheese'. The threat posed by what the Department of Health press office calls the 'suspect cheese' is over, and Caerphillyphiles can nibble safely. Or, as the document succinctly puts it: 'The Food (Cheese) (Emergency Control) (Amendment No 2) Order 1998 amends the Food (Cheese) (Emergency Control) Order 1998 (as amended by the Food (Cheese) (Emergency Control) (Amendment) Order 1998).' Quite clear?

And more news from the jargon front. You might think of the league of friends as a group of well-meaning, slightly old-fashioned types with a trolley full of cups of lukewarm tea, but never underestimate the reach of the modernisers. The leagues' report on a recent community pilot scheme offers us helpful statistics on 'client service episodes'.

At least our Dobbo is not a man to mince his words. Making a hasty exit from a conference just over the road from the Commons in order to be back in time to hear chancellor Gordon Brown's comprehensive spending review speech last Tuesday, Dobbo told his audience: 'I am sorry that I am going to have to leg it. I do want to be there to smirk when he announces all the money.'

Finally, outgoing community health councils boss Toby Harris is looking for a suitable title to go with his working peerage. One less-than-enamoured CHC colleague suggests Lord Harris of Burger King would be a suitable title for a man of his stature. As leader of Haringey Council, the man himself did want to be Lord Harris of Haringey, but has been told that hogging a whole borough to himself is not on. Anyone have any helpful suggestions?