The curse of Yorkshiregate continues to cast its malign influence over those caught up in the scandal. Former Yorkshire regional general manager Keith McLean, whose hold on high office became untenable amid allegations that the regional health authority handed out dodgy relocation payments and partied at the tax-payers' expense, was at a London conference on the new NHS reforms last week. Chairing? Offering the benefit of his experience as a platform speaker?

Nope. His job, one step up from the cloakroom attendant, was to take the microphone round during the question-and-answer sessions.

Never let it be said that Scarborough's NHS managers are a weakly lot who would shrink from calling a spade a spade. Seeking a title for measures designed to help patients with less than six weeks to live, managers at Scarborough and North East Yorkshire Health Care trust came up with - the Near to Death package of care. Local Macmillan nurses were shocked to say the least, and felt 'palliative' or even 'terminal' care might sound a bit less bleak. The trust promises to think up a less 'unfortunate' name.

Bromley Hospitals trust, meanwhile, has fallen victim to the temptation to call a spade a hand-held implement designed to facilitate smaller-scale earth-moving operations. A report on how to save pounds1.6m next year says a major contribution could be made by 'rightsizing surgical activity in line with contracts'. This will be done by 'reducing by approximately 20 beds'. Geoff Martin from pressure group London Health Emergency sniffs: 'I think rightsizing means cutting. In which case, I am going to a barber to rightsize my hair this weekend and may rightsize the lawn if the weather stays nice.'

Paul Boateng's reputation as a snappy dresser, it appears, is not limited to sharp suits and designer shirts. 'A family man with five children to support' he may be, but his budget seems to extend to expensive swimwear. Monitor hears the junior health minister has been spotted cutting an elegant dash in the Westminster gym pool in a black Dolce Gabbana number. But he did not allow his breast strokes to make him incommunicado. For attached to his swimming attire was his pager, it was reported. And some observers thought he was just happy to be there.

Finally, the era of open government does not seem to have reached the South and West regional office of the NHS. Faxes from its communications department come complete with a 'confidentiality notice' warning that they may contain 'confidential and legally privileged' information, disclosure of which is 'strictly prohibited'. Unless, that is, the fax has reached the intended recipient who is presumably able to make any use of the priceless gen that she or he wishes.

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