So the Labour Party has finally brought an end to the NHS. Universal healthcare free to all at the point of need and delivery is replaced by a universal healthcare floor over which you can buy anything that we're willing to sell you on an item of service basis depending on your ability to pay.

OK, so we start with cancer drugs. And then where next? Two sessions of physio with your new hip and£40 for every subsequent appointment you can afford to buy, that's where next. Until the money gets tight, and the floor goes down to one session and the price goes up to£60. That's where next.

And you want drugs that don't work? Over to you: have as many as you want at£50 a pop, placebo effect guaranteed. But don't worry, the profits are all invested back into the business, and the drug companies are only doing it for the good of your health. Oh, and doctor will be there to see you now rather than deal with the people downstairs who are only signed up to the basic package

But help is at hand with those new top-up insurance policies flooding onto the market. Very cheap for the ABC1s under 60, and great coverage until you get ill or need anything to help you with a chronic illness. And for god's sake don't get mentally ill. Can't you read the small print?

Or maybe I'm old fashioned or just plain wrong. We'll never be able to afford it all, and if people want to spend their money on top-ups rather than beer and fags, then who the hell are we to stop them. And yes, I've never been confronted with the dilemma, and no, I don't know what I'd do. But if this is a wedge, then let's hope it's the thick end. But try as I might to put it to sleep, there's a pulse in the back of my mind that just keeps shouting "thin".

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